GroundHog Day

Things that seemed so foreign and overwhelming, now seem so normal. Even new sights, sounds and setbacks -- I seem to take in stride. My heart and step don’t miss a beat as I come upon them (or they come upon me). Each day seemed infinite in the beginning and today there just isn’t enough time in each one. At dinner tonight, I was sitting in a restaurant that I ate at on Day 3 and it seemed so completely different. It’s hard to describe – but there was more clarity while I sat there, like things were in slower motion (and it wasn’t drug induced – the threat of capital punishment is a pretty strong deterrent). This seems to be a more common experience these past couple of days. What happened?

My best guess . . . I finally gave in!

That first little while, a conflict was in full tilt. At one level, I could see, appreciate and wonder at the uniqueness around me, but at another level I struggled with them. I wanted the new experiences, and wanted some control over how I experienced them. Enough was enough, but they just kept on coming. This vacation (for lack of a better word) was going on way too long and no end was in sight. Home and the old way was too far away to hold out for. There was no safe haven – absolutely nothing in my environment was like I wanted it to be – not where I slept, not where I ate, not where I spent my time. My coping mechanisms were in overdrive – but failing miserably. I think the internal struggle was hard work and made for long days.

In this case, Taipei was bigger and stronger than I was (and that’s hard to admit). This city was not going to change. My charm and force of will was not going to prevail. Some part of me must have realized that I could keep struggling or find a way to be in the flow with it. (Fortunately, that latter part has carried the day.) This is what it is and I can't change it.

(Just finished my laundry and put on warm pajama. AAAH! Nothing like it – Oh no, another twitter)

This experience leads me to believe that it is possible for me to find a flow with just about anything. (That’s a pretty crazy thought.) Just notice my struggle (an art in it’s own right I suspect) and decide I don’t want to struggle for control, my way, whatever (clearly easier said than done). The choice is all mine!

I see the lesson and know that my habit is deeply engrained. I appreciate the possibility, but the path through is still obscured in a haze. And even if I find my way in similar future struggles (which I know await), are there situations where the objective is worth the struggle? Is there a Taipei that should be conquered, rather than a Taipei that I want to conquer? If so, will I know it when I see it?

p.s. – still can’t understand or speak this language!!!!!